A Sueish Dream
by Cleone
Summary: Vash is having that dream...again. But at least he has Wolfwood, the MarySue expert, to help him through it. ONE SHOT


**A/N: I recommend knowing what a Mary-Sue is before reading this story. But if you don't…Wolfwood is gonna give you a definition in the story. You'll see what I mean. **

_**Note: This is not, I repeat, NOT a Wolfwood/Vash or Vash/Wolfwood or whatever the hell the pairing is. There is absolutely no romance whatsoever. So if you're one of those fangirls who are romance saps…sorry, but if you read this, you'll be disappointed. **_

**A Sue-ish Dream**

Wolfwood sighed deeply and turned onto his side. It sounded like he was having that dream. _Again._

He grabbed the pillow and covered his ears with it as Vash began to whine and scream like a little puppy. Good god, would he just get over it? If you were a popular and not to mention handsome gunman, you had to get used to it. And besides…this was only a _dream._

Wolfwood growled and pressed the pillow tightly against the side of his head.

'Ugh, damn pansy…'

He jumped slightly as Vash began to scream.

"NO! NOT THE HAIR! PLEASE, ANYTHING BUT THE HAIR!"

Wolfwood sat straight up, his eyebrow twitching in frustration. He had had enough. This had been going on for two hours. Two full hours! He had to get some sleep so he would have energy for…for, well, whatever the hell was going to go on tomorrow.

He stomped out of his bed and stormed across the room to the spazing blonde man. He raised his fist high above his head and gave Vash a good hard hit on his spikey, blonde noggin.

"Wake up, Vash. It's just a dream."

Vash immediately became still and his eyes slowly blinked open. He saw Wolfwood standing above him and he smiled weakly.

"Wolfwood…it was…terrible…"

Wolfwood sat on the edge of the bed. "What happened this time?"

Vash took a deep breath as he recollected his dream. "They were…tackling me…glomping me…taking advantage of me…" He whimpered and hid his face in his hands. "It was bad, really bad."

Wolfwood rolled his eyes. It was amazing, really, that a gunman could get frightened by something this _stupid. _

Wolfwood thought for a moment before talking again. "Vash…do you, by any chance, know what a Mary-Sue is?"

Vash looked up at him. "A wha?"

Wolfwood scratched his head. "A Mary-Sue."

Vash cocked his head puzzled. 'What, is it some kind of alcoholic drink?"

Wolfwood shook his head. "No. A Mary-Sue," he cleared his throat before giving out his dictionary definition, "is a made-up character created by some horny fangirl. These 'characters' are usually modeled after the creator and are perfect in every single way: they are kind, sweet, smart, and you can't forget the most important factor: huge frickn' boobs and a nice, round ass." He looked back at Vash. "You with me so far."

Vash nodded slowly. "I guess."

Wolfwood continued. "These 'characters', which we give the name Mary-Sue, are put into fanfictions on the internet. In these fanfictions, the Mary-Sue usually ends up with the main guy and all is happy-doody. The Sues cause the rest of the characters, the characters who actually have depth and a personality, to be totally out-of-character and totally screwed over."

Vash raised his brow. "So…what does this all hafta do with anything?"

Wolfwood frowned. "How dense can you be? Vash, the people in your dream…_are Mary-Sues!"_

Vash still had that same lost look on his face. "So?"

Wolfwood sighed. "So that means that they don't exist! They'll never exist! They're creations by horny fangirls who wanna get some from an anime character! They're not real!"

Vash slowly nodded. "Ohhh…so…I'll never really get attacked or raped by these perfect and hot girls in real life?"

Wolfwood patted him on the shoulder. "My friend, perfection is only existent in Mary-Sues."

Vash smiled. "Thanks Wolfwood."

Wolfwood got up off the bed. "Anytime."

He made his way back to his bed and laid down, ready for sleep.

"Hey…Wolfwood?"

Wolfwood closed his eyes. "What?"

"Do you write any fanfiction?"

Wolfwoods' eyes snapped open and he started to sweat a bit. 'Aw man, if he knew…I'd be dead!'

He shook his head. "Of-of course not! That's stupid."

Vash was quiet for a moment. "Oh…because…well, the other day I was on a fanfiction site and I read a story by this author named NicholasNicotine92. I think this girl (well, I think it was a girl) wrote a Mary-Sue." He laughed. "She paired herself up with TuxedoMask!"

Wolfwood frowned. 'How dare he think that I'm a girl!'

He cleared his throat. "Well, I have no clue about what you're talking about. Good night, Vash."

Wolfwood once again closed his eyes. 'As soon as I get to a computer…I'm deleting that story."

**A/N: Umm…so I know they were OOC and that computers probably didn't exist on Gunsmoke, so please forgive me and be nice in your review!**


End file.
